Peace in the Middle East - Dubai and Lebanon

My next destination was to the middle of the Middle East, Dubai.  One of my best friend’s from university, Gus, had moved there a few years back to be closer to his family in Lebanon.  A few other college buddies and I decided it was a good time to meet up there.

I had wanted to keep my journey on the ground or sea as much as possible and had contemplated crossing the Sahara Desert in a camel caravan or something to that effect, at least in my head.  However, the realities of the situation were much different and somewhat of a hindrance to my vague plans.  The Moroccan border with Algeria had been closed for years due to a rift between the two countries over oil rights.  Libya was blowing itself up from the inside and Egypt was stoning people in Tahrir Square.  To save my parents some grief and myself a sore ass from the camel ride, I decided to take the more traditional route and fly, but that doesn't mean there was nothing to write about.

Qatar Air was the cheapest option out of Casablanca and when I purchased my ticket on their website I was given a list of options for my name prefix such as Mr., Mrs., Miss, Doctor, Captain, Priest, Rabbi, Infidel, etc.… Well ‘Captain’ had a nice ring to it and since I had just recently sailed across an ocean, I felt like the title suited me quite well.  Plus, there were no questions asking to verify my identity so what could it hurt.

My plane was severely delayed leaving Casablanca.  After a few hours of reading all the leftover newspapers others had left behind while boarding their planes and being on a first name basis with all the saleswomen in the duty free liquor store, I finally asked an agent what the exact problem was and when we might actually leave.  She said, rather casually, they were still looking for a pilot.  At first I was quite disconcerted and normally would have had a few follow up questions like, "Well have you checked the pilot schedule I assume most airlines have?" or "Have you tried his cellphone?  It was invented in the 1980's and most, if not all people, carry one on their person in modern times."  However on this occasion before being asked who I was, or who my ticket said I was, I made haste back to the friendly women of the whiskey aisle. 

Finally onboard, our first of three legs was a short two-hour flight to Tunisia to pick up a few more passengers and I am guessing to also test the flight skills of whatever pilot they quickly recruited.  After a safe landing, while waiting for the new passengers to board, I wanted to check with a flight attendant if I would still be able to make my next connection in Doha.  She asked to see my ticket and the conversation went on like this:

Flight Attendant:  (After looking at my ticket.)  Oh, so you’re the Captain!  We knew we had a captain on board but weren’t sure where he was sitting. 

Me:  (After a slight stutter.)  Why yes, that is me.  You found him. 

FA:  Whom do you fly for?

(Now this is where tough decisions must be made and you have to commit to the role or bail out.  I committed.)

Me:  Well I am between airlines right now.  Looking for a change.

FA:  Well you should fly for us.  How many hours do you have?

Me:  That’s a very good question.  How many do I need?

FA:  You have to have 200 to apply to be a pilot with us.

Me:  Oh, I am just shy of 200.

FA:  Well get some more hours and send in your application.  This is a great airline to work for.

Me:  So I have heard.  Ok, I’ll look into it when I get the hours.  (Now to change the subject.)  So will I make my connection?

FA:  Oh yeah, let me check and I will get back to you after theses passengers finish boarding and we are set for takeoff.

(When everyone had boarded the stewardess came back and knelt beside my seat.)

FA:  Captain Berger, I'm sorry but we won’t make it in time for your original connection but there is a flight leaving one hour later you can catch.  Would you like me to set you up on that one?

Me:  Yes please.

FA:  Also, we have a few seats open in First Class if you would like to sit up there.

Me:  Hmmm, sure.  Why not.  It’s so stuffy back here with all these common folk.  Also can you get me into First Class on my connection out of Doha?

FA:  Sure.  No problem.

Before I even had my seat belt on in my new First Class seat, my first glass of champagne appeared and I was promptly asked what type of wine I would like to accompany my steak for dinner.  After I had the flight attendant explain the pros and cons of the two red wines on board, I told her to just bring me one before the meal and one during. That way I wouldn’t have to make another tough decision. 

Moral of the story:  If we ever meet in an airport, please refer to me as ‘Captain’ because that is what will be on my ticket from now on.

Dubai

A small family that struck oil and became rich beyond their wildest dreams and moved to the big city sounds like a good idea for a sitcom in the 60’s.  Instead of moving to the big city, the Emirates built the big city where they lived, in the desert.  Let’s call this show “The Desert Hillbillies”.  The Emirates transformed this sand swept region into one of the financial centers of the world and a tourist mecca of their own to rival their neighbor’s in Saudi Arabia.  Using the motto, “If you build it, they will come,” from one of their favorite Kevin Costner movies, ‘Field of Dreams’ (Luckily they haven't seen "Waterworld" or Kevin may have dropped a few spots.), they built one of the most grandiose cities in one of the world’s most barren places attracting visitors from all over the world to see their man-made marvels.  Using cheap labor from Ethiopia and the Philippines along with shrewd business sense, they turned Dubai into a regional powerhouse in less than a decade.  

The Burj Khalifa

~ The city currently boasts the world’s tallest building, the Burj Khalifa, standing at 2,722 ft (829.8 m) tall.  This trumps the previous record holder by an astounding 700 ft (200 m).

~ It’s home to the largest mall in the world, which out-built the old record holder that was also in Dubai.  The current record holder has a Red Lobster.  The previous record holder has an indoor ski slope where you can meet and greet penguins.

~ They have the world’s only 7 star hotel, the Burj Al Arab, which has a helipad that doubles as the world’s highest tennis court.

~ And since every rich person’s dream is to have their own island and there were none in the vicinity of the Persian Gulf, the Emirates again built their own and of course not just any island.  Known as Palm Jumeirah, it was built in the shape of a palm tree, it is the largest artificial archipelago in the world .  It is home to 60 luxury hotels, 4,000 residential villas, 1,000 water homes, 5,000 shoreline apartments, and multiple marinas, restaurants, and shopping malls to satisfy the masses.  Two more palm islands are underway and an island map of the world consisting of 300 smaller islands all of which can be owned.  I put a down payment on Fiji.  Thought it would be cool to say I owned Fiji even if it is the one off the coast of Dubai.  

The Burj al Arab

Tennis court / Helipad

(I couldn't afford stepping foot in this hotel much less renting the helicopter for these photos.

Image compliments to Google.)

Aquarium in Dubai Mall:  Another world record for largest acrylic panel.

World record as the only seafood restaurant to offer endless snow crab legs in 2003 
almost causing the franchise to go bankrupt.  It's true.  Look it up.  

Cooling costs for a ski slope in the desert:
Sky high  
Ski outfits leftover from the Dream Team:
Dirt cheap

This was as close as they allowed Frank
to the actual penguins.

 The Palm Jumeirah:  Required 65 million pounds of sand and rock.  
(Again image compliments to Google.)

A view of the skyline shows nothing but skyscrapers and cranes building more skyscrapers pushing farther and farther out into the open expanse of desert with nothing to stop it.  It is a city built on opulence and decadence where you wouldn’t question if the streets were paved of gold.  

If it’s not obvious by now, Dubai is a place meant for spending money and for a guy traveling with just a pair of flip-flops and a few swimming trunks, this wouldn’t be my first choice for travel destinations but I had friends to meet.  And usually when I meet with these friends, we tend to do more drinking and partying than sightseeing.  Good thing for us the main attractions in Dubai are drinking and partying.

Although Islam is the state religion, things are kept pretty relaxed to keep the international clientele coming in especially compared to its neighbors:  Saudi Arabia, Oman, and Iran, and thank Allah for that.  The one exception are the "sex police".  No, these guys don't barge into your room at inappropriate times to critique your bedroom swagger but they do lurk in the corners of most bars and night clubs to make sure no "inappropriate" behavior takes place.  This would include any public displays of affection, dancing too provocatively, or in Frank's case, dancing by yourself on your back in a seizure type fit on the dance floor.  Luckily they weren't sure what to do with Frank and he was just given a stern warning after first checking if he needed medical attention.... multiple times.  However things can get quite serious and the jails are filled with Brits who had a night on the piss and if at home would have just been laughed at by their friends for pulling their pants down, but here they are thrown in jail and deported. 

Frank using a choke hold on me and himself to get us "dancing".
And no, I don't know what I was drinking.  It was very, very late.

Lebanon

For all of Dubai’s newfound glitz and glam, Lebanon still holds sway over most Europeans and Middle Easterners as the vacation capital of the region where the attention is focused in and around Beirut.  The city is one of the most cosmopolitan and religiously diverse cities in all the Middle East holding onto a complex network of nine major religions:  Maronite Catholic, Greek Orthodox, Greek Catholic, Armenian Apostolic, Armenian Catholic, Protestant, Sunni Muslim, Shia Muslim, and Druze.  However, just because they are all living together in the same city doesn’t mean they have always gotten along.

Lebanon had a brutal civil war beginning in the 1970’s and lasting until the early 1990’s mostly between the Christian and Muslim majorities leaving scars that are still visible today including a tattered power infrastructure causing ill-scheduled blackouts all day and night.  Even though Beirut has cooled over the years, their neighbors to the north and south still keep things lively.  Syrian rebels use the north as a retreat and safe haven from the Syrian army who unpredictably lob bombs across the border in retaliation for harboring the rebels.  To the south lies Israel/Palestine where Hezbollah forces amass to defend their land from the Israelis since the Lebanese army is little to non-existent.

If Lebanon's current political situation is intriguing, its ancient history and natural landscape go far beyond that.  It is home to Byblos, the oldest inhabited city in the world just north of Beirut dating back to 8800 B.C.  The country's coast line is littered with remains from Phoenician, Hellenistic, Roman, Byzantine, Arab, Crusader and Ottoman civilizations.  The interior is filled with magnificent cedar forests which are the symbol of the country and a cave system that is on the short-list as a new wonder of the world.

Of course Gus wanted us to see as many of these sites as possible.  He also wanted to take us to the best night clubs and beach bars which ended in some very late nights getting home.  This sometimes made for difficult mornings lacking the motivation to get up and see a very old building that will most likely be there for years to come while still seeing double and wondering why my shirt is on inside out and the shoes I have on aren't mine and don't match.

Once we got going, the sites were incredible but getting there and back was usually half the fun since Gus's sense of direction is on par with an Asian woman who has blonde hair.  Getting lost and asking locals for directions is never a big deal, however making a wrong turn or bad exit and ending up in Hezbollah territory can lead to some site-seeing that none of us were too keen on seeing.  We were actually told by many people that it would be quite safe and interesting to have someone drive us through for a tour of a Hezbollah neighborhood but we could never find anyone to volunteer.... intentionally.

Driving around the country is one thing but driving in Beirut is another.  It has the worst traffic I have ever seen or could fathom.  On an 8-lane road, with 4-lanes for each direction, traffic starts to build up a few miles before an intersection coming into town.  The cars going one direction, the direction we are headed, are completely stopped so the people start using the other 4 lanes heading the wrong way to bypass the traffic.  Soon all 8 lanes are jammed with cars trying to go one direction while coming from the intersection 8 lanes are jammed coming the other way with no room to pass.  It seems infuriating and mind-boggling that this can actually happen and it can take 2 hours to go 2 miles but yes it does.  After having some time while sitting in the aforementioned traffic to reflect upon how people can drive like this, I came to the conclusion that after living through years of civil war and complete devastation, driving the wrong way down a street really isn’t that big a deal.  You could always handle it like these guys who kept the traffic and themselves entertained for most of the time:

But this tends to be the attitude of the people.  To make the best out of whatever situation they are in.  To enjoy yourself when you can because tomorrow things may change.  It is a country of contrast with a five-star hotel built next to a blown out building, a luxurious home rebuilt next to a neighbor’s still pock-marked with bullet holes, a Vegas style pool bar next to a mosque, a concert venue hosting the most current performers in one of the oldest cities in the world, bombs dropping in the north while tourists party on the beach in the south.  It is a country of resilience and great pride trying to lead the way as the multi-cultural example of the Middle East.

View from Byblos looking south to the beach clubs and coastal neighborhoods.

A day at the beach turns into an evening for dinner on the coast. 

A model posted on a wrecked building winks at drivers as they sit in Beirut traffic. 

The Lebanese flag during sunset on the Mediterranean Sea.

All in all we somehow managed to see most of the sites as well as make the most of our nights.  If I remember correctly, and I probably don’t, I think we were only kicked out of 2 places (Once for flirting with Disaster, the club owner’s wife, and once for starting and being the only participants in a ‘Dance-Off, Pants-Off’ contest.  Luckily we weren’t in Dubai.)  And that ain’t bad for a bunch of guys named Bay Jerger, Mother Goose, O-train, and Dirty Frank.

Cheers,

Jb